Game VIII Recap: Sofa King Awesome The Musical:

If our last game was a musical this is how it would've begun:

Interior : A dimly lit basketball gym

On the far end of of the court. A multi racial hodge podge of douche bags, also known as IFS, run carefree layup drills.

A loud shoe SHREIK, IFS freezes mid drill, their ball drops as they stare towards the sound. The ball rolls across the court under the foot of:

3 Shadows (Stage Right) standing in the doorway. They step onto the light court. It's Sofa King Awesome. Angry Glances are exchanged the music begins...

..."Snap, Snap, Snap" and then they dance!

Our last game of the season, was very much like a dance off between the Jets and the Sharks except without the pompadours. IFS was looking to the make the playoffs, we were trying to end the season was a 4-4 record, and crush their dreams. The game started off with the pre game choosing of a game ball. The center for IFS took our ball and kicked it off the court like an 6th grade bully as he proudly wore a mesh tank with the name Bear Sterns on it. We knew then, that he was a douche bag, and that their whole team were probably douche bags, and thus began a new rivalry in the legacy of Sofa King Awesome.

The game started off well for us. We were moving the ball, working it down low to our big men, Rob, Russ and Don, and hitting our outside shots respectively. IFS kept the game close by utilizing their jerk off center, Bear Sterns, and their speedy Kobiashi asian point guard. Bear Sterns was playing dirty, dropping his shoulder, leveling our players, complaining to the refs, so Sofa King Awesome, answered back with foul after foul on just him, thus infuriating Bear Sterns to throw the ball point blank at our "Duetsche Center," Rob. A technical fouled followed, and then on the next play, Bear Sterns got the ball again, and Ray "Elbows" Ko answered with another foul in the form of a hug. Bear Sterns totally lost it, just like their stock, and the refs had to warn him, one more outbreak and he was gone. As the second half winded down, your capitan hit the ugliest three pointer from way beyond the arc i have ever seen, banking it home and giving us an 8 point lead going into the second half.

As we ended the 1st half with an ugly bucket, so did our game play that followed. Our 8 point lead was erased because of turnovers. We lost our rythym, and couldnt hit our shots. IFS crept back on easy buckets from bad plays and easy fast break layups. The game was close, defense became tight, shots were few and far between, the tensions rised, the fouls increased, the physicalness climbed, and as Ray Ko stood with ball raised guarded face to face by Kobiashi at the top of the key, Ray swung his body to the right, and CRACK, Kobiashi was on the floor holding his face. Ray's elbow caught the left temple of Kobiashi, and laid him out. The CRACK heard round the gym, is what begun the newest rilviary in NY Urban Men's Professional Basketball league. A woozy Kobiashi immediately walked off the court, threw off his jersey into the stands, and threatened one of our own. "Ill be waiting for you outside," he cried, while the rest of us kind of laughed, the refs kind of laughed, and even IFS must of thought, i'm not getting into a fist fight over basketball.

The next posession we had, IFS tried to retaliate. Divino held the ball, and an IFS latino player who is about 6 inches shorter than Divino tried to elbow him by jumping in the air and throwing elbows because he was too short to hit divino anywhere besides the ribs, as he unsuccessfully tried to elbow divino, he slipped fell, and then wrapped himself around Divino's legs, as D dragged him across the floor. The game then began a hack fest, with everyone fouling everyone, the last 10 minutes of the game were pretty much all foul shots, and in the end we let the game slip away from us, because of rushed shots, and bad turnovers, and lots and lots of fouls.

Highlights

- A beautiful give and go from Russ "The Boss" Ringlestien to Divino "The Highlight" Paran streaking down the middle and scoring over a member of IFS.

- Don "Drop Steps" Janocha, once again showing us how elevated his game is getting by scoring from behind the backboard, and fouling out of the game.

- Rob "No No, No drinks for me, I got a date" Loef with some sweet jump shots in the middle, some big blocks, bigger fouls, and a hot date waiting for him at the end of the game.

- Eddie "Troublemaker" Larios with great defense pressure on both sides of the court, surprising the competition.

- Ray "the Hitman" Ko, leveling the competition and giving out fouls in forms of hugs.

Final Score: Good Guys - 42; Bad Guys - 50 and our Season Record: 3 - 5

Even though we had our first losing season this year, collectively as a team we continue to learn how each other play and get better, and better. We just have to be more consistent during our closer games, we have the talent to go further, but sometimes once we get a lead, we sit back on our haunches and guard it, instead of going out and finishing it. I know we will get there eventually. Our team has chemistry that I haven't seen any other team have. Other teams have one or two great players that carry them. Where as we truly are a team that gets support from everyone. But most importantly we are the only team that looks like they are having fun. We even get the refs to laugh, and how many other teams have a blog?! And i'm thinking our own Home & Away Jerseys will be the next step, so we can look really sexy, whether we win or lose. Thanks to everyone for their continued dedication and support to the team, the blog, and life!

Shout outs to:

- Eddie for the photos and amazing job on the 1st season of the blog

- Ray for all the rides home

- Don for the cab rides and ciggies

- Russ for all his half time coaching advice

- Josh for bringing the streets and the jokes

- Divino for on court entertainment

- Robert for playing like its the NBA finals till the last second

- Ted for his one game this season

- Max for the shorts

Till next season fellas, which is in three weeks.

Soy Capitan!

GAME VII RECAP: SUPER-MAN RETURNS

After two demoralizing losses in a row, Sofa King Awesome, was hungry for a win. Unfortunately for us we were missing 3 important players. “Mad” Max Linsky who was off in Los Angeles auditioning for a reality show called “Jew Better Recognize,” an Jewish Dating Reality show for those looking for their Kosher significant other, Don “All Business” Janocha who is in SF searching for the perfect business tie, and “Everybody Loves” Ray, who boringly just lives in Jersey and can’t make the early games.

With a skeleton crew of 7 players, we marched into O’Shea Junior High School with chutzpah. Determined to salvage an even record because let’s face it, at this point, we know we aren’t making the playoffs, but we had our pride to think about!

With the tip of the ball, the game began, and Sofa King Awesome took the lead. That lead grew into a giant shadow that loomed over our opponents. But who or what was casting that shadow? A bird, a plane, no, it was Ted "WHITE CHOCOLATE" Smith! Who leaps sheets of paper in a single bound, who gets so sweaty no defender can hold on to him, and whose running floater could not be stopped. Ted, the prodigal son, who has been missing the entire season, returned last night with super human strength and a friendly rim.

Riding Ted’s Big Red S, a rejuvenated Sofa King Awesome, also had a great all around game. Great passing lead to a lot of scoring opportunities, and lots of defensive pressure created turnovers and fast breaks. There was also great moving without the ball, which opened up lanes and free’d people up for easy buckets.

There are so many highlights, and so little space, but here are a few of the most memorable:

- Ted “Super White Chocolate” Smith breaking the opposition’s back with his super human floater.

- Divino “Highlight” Paran with a THUNDER CLAP, globe trotter-esque fakes, and a seemingly impossible up-and-under lay-up…with his eyes closed.

- Josh “Freezes Time with His Mind” Homer driving the lane, hanging in the air….hanging there a little more…..still hanging…, and then fishing with his patent lay up. Also Josh applied the no breathing room defense on their best player to shut down their only point scorer.

- Eddie “Are you a model?” Larios picking pockets, around the back passes, hitting threes, taking photos, and handing out his card to pretty ladies for modeling auditions after the game .

- Rob “It Aint Over till it’s Over” Loef with big rebounds, a HUGE defensive block, and a strong bucket at the end of the game as time worn down and no one was really going to guard him, but Robbed split 5 guys for a really nice layup Rob, and even thought the refs called off the shot, we still count it buddy.

- Russ “Taking it Outside” Ringelstein running the floor and nailing some outside shots in addition to his usual great inside game which also consists of trying to figure out the refs logic when it comes to fouls.

- Adrien “Icey Hot” Bellezza pulling a muscle on an inbound pass, and stinking like Ben Gay the rest of the game, but my passing seemed to improve.

Final Score, good guys: 55; bad guys: 34

Great game boys, even if the other team sucked!

The Final game of the season is next Wed 8/19. 7pm. @ Central Park East, 106^th and Madison. Enter on 106^th Street.

We are fighting for our 3^rd straight .500 season, so it will be a fight to the death. End of Season drinks to follow. Bring your friends, family, loved ones, for a good laugh.

SOY CAPITÁN

GAME VI RECAP: THE TWILIGHT (2-3) ZONE

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The No Skill Zone. Last week, we entered The No Skill Zone in a game against The Gromits.

A team by all standards which is beneath us. To recap our horrific performance would be like getting stabbed in the chest with a pair of rusty old shears, getting stitched up and then re- opening those stitches, taking your heart out, stabbing it again, just to show your friends what your heart looks like when it get stabs. In other words it would be a mess, and pretty damn pointless.



Last week’s catastrophic score: Good Guys 32, Bad Guys 41

Tonight’s match up is against All Reds, no doubt a bunch of communists. Lets get Rocky IV on their asses! And I mean the part when Rocky Wins and changes a nation’s view of America, not the part where Apollo gets killed. Come out and support us if you’re a true Patriot. If you don’t the commies and terrorists win!

Tonight 6:30 PM. O’Shea J.H.S, 77th street between Columbus and Amsterdam.

-SOY CAPITÁN

GAME V RECAP: Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen come out of retirement...

...TO CRUSH LOCAL MEN'S BASKETBALL LEAGUE TEAM.

They weren’t exactly the dynamic duo from the Chicago Bulls Dynasty, but the two ringers that were trying to salvage a winning season for a group of no talent white boys, were definitely better than all of us put together. It was really 5 against 2 on the court, and the odds were still stacked in their favor. These two brothas from other mothas, were jumping from the free throw line, soaring over our players, and making it look 1950s basketball being introduced to Dr.J and the slamdunk. The only reason these guys didn’t dunk on us was probably to make it SEEM like a fair game.

The game, surprisingly, started off fairly even. We even had the lead thanks to some stellar down low moves by “The Don” Janocha in the early get go. Under the splendor of Robert Simon High School with one hoop missing a net and other rim which was crooked, it seemed we were poised for a good game, and then the Bullets feeling a sense of lose possibly looming, brought in the ringers, and we all watched helplessly as we watched their pearly white high tops float by our heads (for me, over my head) and then the game was the fast track to a lopsided loss. At halftime, down by 15, we only had one plan. Stop those two ringers. And with inspiration and anger in his eyes, Josh “Funny Man” Homer stopped making jokes and said “their going to bring in Ringers, then drive your knees into their thighs!” The second half is a dismal memory of fouls and futile efforts of stopping the ringers mixed in with few and far between highlights.

Highlights:
- Don “All Abbbooooard” Janocha having a great offensive first half providing posting, rebounding, put-backs, and free throws.
- Josh “I don’t Mean to Ghetto, but I hate MO FO Ringers” Homer providing a half time speech like he were that dude from the Underarmour commercials, and telling us to take out those (ear muffs kids) motha focka’s knees.
- Max “the Slacks” Linsky driving and driving and driving, creating openings and making some great feeds.
- Divino “Tap Tap Taparoo” Paran with a big lay-up followed by the patent Hulk Hogan flex pose.

Good Guys: 28; Bad Guys: 65

Let’s not let this lose phase us. With 3 games left we still can come out of this with a winning season and possibly playoffs. Those guys definitely did not belong in our league which turned the game into one that was not competitive or fun for anyone, except for the winning team, but we know they don’t sleep well at night after an empty victory like that! It’s like being on a championship team and winning the big game, but you’re the guy that rode the bench the entire game. That’s what the Bullets are, at least we aren’t cheaters! And our victories are never tainted. Word to your motha.

Next game is Thursday, 6:30 PM at O’Shea J.H.S. (OJH) 77th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam Ave. Gym is on 2nd Floor. Do not arrive before 6:15pm.

Keep Shooting

Soy Capitán!

GAME IV RECAP: "Let’s Get Technical, Technical…"

Besides the technical foul given for a blatant two handed shove in my back and the double technical foul for some pushing, shoving, & ball tossing involving Divino, there was nothing technical about beating our long time league foe, Technically Foul, for the fifth consecutive time.

Sofa King Awesome stepped onto the court with one of their shortest squads to date, missing two of our centers, Russ “On Vacation” Ringelstein and Robb “Zee Lawyer” Loef. But that wouldn’t stop 4 guards, a forward, and one center from getting the job done. Don “Big Man On Campus” Janocha, and Josh “Afro’s Add Height” Homer stepped up big time this game to fill in height gaps and our shorter quicker members put on the burners to cut off passes and force turnovers. We confused the other team and basically took their hulking middle man out of the game. When point guard, Ray “Raindrops” Ko, was guarding their big man around the 3-point line he inquired about the big man’s positioning on the court. See Transcript below:

Ray Ko: what are you doing out here?

Big Man: I don’t know.

After a slow first 5 minutes, Sofa King Awesome found their rhythm riding the momentum of Ray’s three point seminar. By half time we had a commanding lead. But as do many great teams do, we fall into certain patterns; unfortunately for us our pattern is giving up leads. After another slow start, forced shots and some sloppy turnovers got Technically Foul back in the game. They cut it to within six, but that’s when we re-grouped and got back in a rhythm, and regained an 11 point lead that the true HIGHLIGHTS began….

- Josh “Please, I Make these in my sleep” Homer with a HUGE three pointerwhich changed the momentum of the game.

- Eddie “The Pickpocket” Larios creeping in the shadows of the poorly lit gym, causing turnovers and sending one great pass after another to create fast breaks.

- Don “Tree Trunks” Janocha snatching a huge offensive rebound over their big man, and then following it up with a reverse lay in from behind the boards…stomping both feet like a gorilla killing a t-rex.

- Divino “Who you calling crazy esé, don’t you know I’m loco” Paran mixing it up and receiving a technical foul for throwing the ball at someone, going coast to coast with a finger roll, and being steady under pressure at the free throw line.

- Max “The Animal Steele” Linsky all over the place with steals, rebounds, and illuminating socks.

- Ray “Where’s My Asian Competition” Ko hitting 4 consecutive 3 point-bombs from downtown in the first half.

- And finally Adrien “The Diver” Bellezza, like a true Italian athlete really selling every hit he took to get the foul, like my cousins in the homeland:

After a great run, all of our combined highlights might have gone to waste because during the last minute of play, and a nine point lead, we did not put the game to bed, but instead gave up four turnovers, which cut our lead to one. If it wasn’t for the clutch free throws of Divino as they fouled us to stop the clock, the game might have had an ever ugly ending then giving up those 8 points and still winning. Breath easy boys.

- Soy Capitán

Final Score: Good Guys 44, Bad Guys 41

We are now 2-2, with four games to go. We are still in the run for the playoffs. Lets keep playing the way we have been, but when we smell blood, lets go in for the kill, not sit back and watch them as we wait for them to bleed to death.

Next Game: Thursday, 7:00PM vs Bullets. Robert Simon (RS) 5^th Street and Avenue B. Gym is in the basement. If 5^th street entrance is locked, use the entrance on 6^th street.

GAME III RECAP: Sofaking FULL OF RAGE!!

No retreat. No surrender. That is Sofa King Law. And by Sofa King Law we stood and fought and died. A new age has begun. An age of Winning! And all will know, that 6 Sofa Kings gave their last breath to defend it. [CLICK ON IMAGE]

It was a small group of Sofa Kings that stood against many. The RAGE must’ve just finished playing football, because there were 15 of them and one guy who was built like an NFL running back. As we stood there warming up, we weren’t phased. We knew what we had to do.

The 1st half started with only 5 Sofa Kings in the house, but we were assured that Mad Max would arrive soon. They won the tip off, but we definitely took the Half. We were amazing. Our defense was impenetrable. It also helped that they must’ve had their carpenter line out there because they weren’t putting anything up but BRICKS from the outside. Our offense was another story. The bottom of the net was not a place we wanted to go. We made rushed passed and had needless turnovers. Regardless, we had a 5 point lead heading into the half.

Our spirits were up and we could see the win in the distance!

The 2nd half kicked off with lots of optimism. During the half, RAGE was given the loudest and most annoying inspirational speeches by #5. However, they didn’t know if he was saying anything or it was just his tourettes acting up. In any case, they decided to play basketball since they didn’t want to hear it from him anymore. Their 3’s started to drop. Their Running Back was pounding downlow and had some NBAesque layups. We couldn’t find out footing. Our legs started to slow, but we still made a push.


-Our Defense (nuff said)
-Russ “BIG DADDY” Ringelstein was a force downlow. His post up game was undeniable.
-Mad Max ran the floor and created plays or put up sweeeeeeeeet floaters.
-Our Towers, Don “FOOTSTEPS” Janocha And Rob “ZEE GERMAN” were beasting boards
-Eddie “El Diablo” Larios had a steal mid transition for an effortless layup
-Divino “Otto-Man” Paran put up a jumper and Hulk Hogan held his hand to his ear to answer the teams heckling of “He got Nothing!”






Rage faced 6 Sofa Kings and had a hard time. Let’s see how they do against 9. HHHHHHAAAA WOOOOOOO!! HHHHAAAA WHOOOOO!!

Good Guys 30 Bad Guys 37

– DIVINO

GAME 2 RECAP: Sofa King Awesome vs Ron Burgundy: The hardest 24 points we ever earned

When the captains of each respective squad met at half court, I, your Capitan, stood face to abdominals with what National Geographic might accurate label as a true behemoth. To say this guy was massive is an understatement. He was tall (at least 6’7), he was wide, his knuckles touched the ground, and he would prove to be the great equalizer in a game in which every point we scored went down like trying to swallow a three day old steak cooked off a street cart.

The game started surprisingly stalemated. Neither team got their buckets to fall for about the 1st five minutes. Our outside shots were off, our inside game suffocated by their two big men, and the only way it seemed to stop them, was to take our their #2 big man at the knees. And off the court he limped until he realized that Italian Soccer Dives don’t garner sympathy in basketball. My question is, why wasn’t a time out called against their team when he went down, but when I got smacked in the face and had a contact fall out, one was called against us? Either way, as I sat on the sidelines trying to regain vision by cleaning out a dirty contact in my mouth and sticking it back in my eye (my highlight of the game), the Burgundy’s got their zone offense going, taking advantage of their Herman Munster center while we were missing our big man, Robert “6’4” Loef. We got to get the INS off his back, so he can make all games going forward. In his absence Russ “6’0” Ringelstein and Don “6’2” Janocha worked hard to come between their big men and the basket. But even our biggest men looked a full head short compared to their giants. It was a rough slow first half with the score 22-12.

The second half proved to be even slower as we could not get our outside shots to fall, and again their big men clogged the lanes as we relentlessly did not get calls in our favor as we attacked the rim. We collapsed on their big men well in the 2nd half, but doing so left their guards wide open, with all day to set and shoot, and unfortunately for us, they hit some big threes. Even Spanky, their fat little pudgy guard who could only run up and the down the court two times a rotation, hit 2 wide open threes. With eight minutes left in the game, Ron Burgundy the cowards that they are, played four corner basketball to run the clock out.

Final Score: Good Guys 24, Bad Guys 42

Highlights
- I was blinded, but I heard that Josh “last comic standing” Homer took it
coast to coast for a pretty put back
- “Mad” Max Linsky dumping in a high floater off glass to avoid the
giant wing span of their monster center.
- Russ “Jersey Born and Raised” Ringelstein with two clutch free throws
after a technical foul was given for not having matching jerseys.
- Eddie “El Diablo” Larios with a colliding steal in the 2nd half for a lay in.


With a 1-1 record, and no more bye weeks this season, we have 6 straight weeks of basketball left. Plenty of time to forget about this loss and keep moving forward. I wouldn’t be surprised if that team goes undefeated, and when we meet them in the playoffs, it will be a different story. The full schedule is posted at www.nyurban.com. Check it out. We have some familiar foes. Technically Foul and The Gromits, both whom we should beat. Our goal now is to come in at 7-1. Regardless of the score, we played tight defense, and worked the ball well for our open shots. We just got to keep shooting and the shots will eventually fall. Or not. Keep shooting.

Next game: Wed, 07/15 at Trinity Gym, 8:50 VS RAGE

- El Capitán

GAME 1 RECAP: Sofa King Awesome vs Rockem Sockem Robots

Summer has come to the city and that means a couple of things for us urbanites: Humidity, air conditioning, flip flops, roof top BBQs, exposed clevage, Mr. Softee, the Hamptons, Fire Island (for others) and of course New York Urban Professionals Summer League. This season the team formerly known as NO BASKETBALL FOR OLD MEN, decided to shake things up. We got a new name, SOFA KING AWESOME, new colors, Bio-Hazard/Maximum Security Penitentiary Orange, and a new attitude, we win or we’ll F-you up.

The first of an 8-game season began last night and Sofa King Awesome came out ready to take control of their destiny (which is to just reach the playoffs) by winning game one in our usual style, our forté, Overtime!

The game started off at a good pace, we were working the ball around, getting good looks, hitting our short range jumpers, but the Robots kept it close. Back and forth the score went, until Divino The Highlight Paran caught fire. Divino had some sweet drives which got him to the foul line, and he did not disappoint. Other contributions came from a big three pointer by Eddie El Diablo Larios, Josh Funny-Man Homer hitting his patent hanging floater, and some inside put backs by Don The Human Tree Janocha. By half time we were up by 6.

The second half didn’t start so well for us as a series of continuously bad turnovers let them back in the game. Again we traded buckets with just a one point difference. We took a slight lead thanks to a three pointer by Ray “I Always Call Glass” Ko and some nice action in the paint by our prodigal son, our long lost giant, Robert Zee German Loef and also some sweet inside passing by Russ The Boss Ringelstein. But like most teams in our league, each team has one stellar athlete and theirs was hitting three pointers from way beyond the arc. He kept them in the game, and he is the sole reason we went into overtime. The Score was now tied. 46 – 46.

Overtime (only 3 minutes long) began with their annoying Kobe-esque player hitting another long range 3 point jumper. He would have a hard time getting the ball back in his hands again, as Ray and I began to swarm him to shut him down. As time wound down, I was fortunate enough to get the ball behind the three point line to hit a three pointer to tie it (redemption from my 3 point airball earlier). Then our defense really stepped up, they forced a shot, and Russ ended up with the rebound, then it was a tick tack toe passing thing of beauty: Russ outleted it to me, I sent it ahead to Divino streaking on the right, Divino alley ooped it to Robert who was streaking on the left and he grabbed the ball out of the air and gently put her home. 4 passes. One great shot. We made it look easy. They had one last chance to score, but because of great defense all around, they didn’t get one, and in the end, to stop the clock, they fouled Mr. Consistent, Divino, who sank both his free throws, giving us a four point lead and crushing their hopes of winning. Arigato Mr. Roboto!

AND what’s with this gym and Asian teams? The only other time we played at this gym we faced the stir fry cooks from Benihannas, the Super Soul Sonics. Last night we faced Rockem Sockem Robots, extras from the hit Japanese tv show Super Senti:

Good Guys 50, Bad guys 46.

GAME HIGHLIGHTS:

1. - Divino Divino Divino with monster drives, a concussion from driving to the hole and getting mauled, and yet still putting away free throws.
2. - Max’s green shorts, making him look like a giant carrot.
3. - Russ, yes Russ Ringelstein, almost getting ejected from the game for questioning the ref! Glad you didn’t take a charge in this game buddy. Also we just found out, the male ref is Russ’s kids coach at Basketball camp.
4. - And of course the game winning alley oop from Divino to Robert. Pure Gold boys!

This is the first time we started a season with a win. We are already off to a better start than any season. Lets keep shooting and telling ourselves and our opponents, that we will massacre you. We will reign down a fiery hell on you. Im talking scorched earth motha fu…well you get the point. This team had one great player and a few good players. We have many great players, and if we keep up our play, and avoid hurting ourselves with turnovers, we will reach the playoffs or at least have a winning record! 5-3! 5-3! 5-3!

- SOY CAPITAN